Monday, April 25, 2011

I don't think about the future


I don't think about the future. It usually gets in the way of taking it easy. The future is a bit too complicated to think about at times really, and I'm bad at predicting. I'm also extremely indecisive. But for some reason I found myself thinking a bit about it last night before drifting to sleep. Maybe it's because of the debt I've been accumulating and the fee I have to pay by next month before it escalates into a legal issue (in which case the fees would have increased dramatically).

If I had remained a NEET I could have avoided this really. I feel as if I've fallen into a scam I saw miles away but disregarded anyway. But that's just how it works when you take everything in your own pace. I'm not sure what I'll even do. The plan was never for me to work, even though it'd be obvious from the fees I'd have to find a job at some time. Being at a 2 year college, at least the debt isn't so large, still I've no idea what happens after I finish those 2 years. I could continue language in another school, but I'm pretty sure the only other school around that has Japanese would be an expensive private school that's hard to get into. And then for what? It's not like a degree in Japanese would really open any jobs that would be able to pay for the large debt I have. 

But if I just finish my 2 years and decide to start work after, what exactly will that lead to either? I guess it'd make nabbing an entry level job easier as resume fodder or something. But what the hell job would I work? For some reason I see myself working at a bookstore or something, through some entry level job like organizing shelves or working the register. And staying at this position to the point where 10 years from now I'd still be that quiet bookstore worker that occasionally knocks stuff over because of how clumsy I am. I'd still be paying off my debt by then due to my low pay and interest sprouting up. Of course, I'd still live with my mother, but this isn't something I've ever looked down on or thought was a bad idea. I find it more appropriate to live with your family, as it eases the burden of cash and you could always help support each other. But I guess some people find it as a sign that you can't walk on your own two legs so look down on it. Not something I care about really, I just felt like pointing out that I always thought it to be an odd idea to live on your own if there's no actual reason for doing so such as better job opportunities outside of one's hometown.

But as I was saying, it's hard to imagine myself doing anything more than small jobs. After all, I really don't think I've many skills. No, I really don't have anything special about me at all. People believe I'm good at computers, but I'm not really, I've just used them since a younger age than a lot of other people. In some cases some could say that experience alone counts as skill I have that others don't, but it's nothing that any employer would particularly find interesting. I know how to not be stupid with a computer, interesting skill I guess. I have a yellow belt in
Google-fu, which allows me to fix problems by stealing answers from other people. My family comes to me when they have computer issues and I usually just Google it and pick the first result to fix their computer. One could argue it's no different than learning information from a textbook, but I've no actual knowledge in how any of that stuff works most of the time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that anyone can do it, people just don't, so I'm not sure if anyone can call it an actual skill. I've gotten money for doing easy computer jobs from my father's technologically illiterate friends, but (no real offense to them) they're not exactly the brightest of the bunch anyway.

In the end I feel as if I can't really do anything. Maybe that's why I can only imagine myself at an entry level job that could be acquired without any college experience, and remaining at that position. A completely optimistic view of the future would be nabbing one of those nice translation jobs where I could work at home for a game company like Atlus or Capcom or something. Or maybe novel translations. Even manga translations. I can't even imagine this stuff paying much, but I'm sure it'd probably pay more than anything else in my head, and I'd have the benefit of not having to go outside. But I doubt this job has many openings, or that they'd be given to someone with no prior translation experience and only 2 years of classes to show for language proficiency. I guess if they actually tested my Japanese they'd know it was beyond the level I have a degree in, but that's not exactly something I expect them to do when shifting through resumes for a candidate.

But I suppose it doesn't matter too much. More money from a better job simply means I can get my loans paid faster. Besides, if I had too much money I'd probably stuff my room with too many figures and have a problem.

At least I've still got a strong goal and determination for learning Japanese. In my job working as a bookstore employee, or as a janitor, or as a cashier, or anything else, I can at least think of myself as being proficient in Japanese by that point. I don't think 2 more years on top of my current experience (which I've lost track of how long by now) would be an unreasonable time frame for me to be well versed in the language. I don't see myself dropping this determination. In fact, it's the only thing I've ever actually taken initiative and interest to sit down and study in my life. The only thing I really have a passion to learn. If I don't find success in Japanese, I really can't see myself succeeding in anything else. It'd be a huge fall, and a huge failure. But I'm not worried about this, because I've no doubts that I'll continue. I've come too far and I'm still far too determined to back out. That's why I can see myself being able to read novels and VNs fluently, even as a cashier. I can see myself taking my breaks in the bookstore to sit in a private corner and pull out a Japanese novel, reading through the pages at the rate I could read  through with my native language (maybe faster, kanji makes reading feel fast even at my current level). Because I really think that no matter what happens to me by that point in the future, my hard work now would shine by then.

But that's enough for today's shitpost. I downloaded Solanin yesterday and I'm going to give it a watch right now. Thanks for reading. Or skimming, I understand since my post is such a wall and I don't even know when to properly highlight certain points with bold or italics.. Or even just coming to this page to look at my image, that's fine too.
~ Kirari ミ★

13 posts:

Pawawanpi said...

>I find it more appropriate to live with your family, as it eases the burden of cash and you could always help support each other. But I guess some people find it as a sign that you can't walk on your own two legs so look down on it.

I think that's American mentality? My mom was talking to her tax person and they don't understand why I still live with her. They don't understand that with us, it's perfectly normal to have generations of family living together under one roof.

>Japanese translator

Where I live they've got positions for working in game companies, plus you can work in a lawyers office with immigration and government jobs always need multi-lingual people.

I know it's hard not knowing where you're going right now. I struggled with it too. You just need to find your own place in the world, and I believe in you.

Mari said...

I agree with pawawanpi. It seems that the whole "turn 18 and move out" is really american mentality. Coming from a Mexican household, my mom expects me to live with her until I get married. It's usually the way it is in Mexico, too.

I could see you working in a book store. Cute shy girl handing me my books..~ I sure would start reading alot more often if you handed me all my books~♥

I hope you enjoy Solanin! I think you'll be able to relate to it alot right now, since it fits with the current thinking you've been having (and you're the same age as the characters). It's definitely one of my favorite movies..!


Keep strong~ I think you have all the potential to do whatever you want to do~

Cpt.Awesome said...

I try not to think of the future that much either. It always keeps me up at night and then I can't have awesome dreams.

I think being a NEET is the best course for happiness for most of us. I never really saw myself working when I was still in high school and when I got a seasonal job, I became depressed into oblivion.

I sometimes see job listsings where I live that require use of the Japanese language. Most of them are waiters/waitresses or call center staff. The former is probably hell, but the latter doesn't seem that bad. Then again, being a shopkeeper in a bookstore like Book-Off seems like a good deal too.

I don't really have much computer skills either. Like you, most of what I know was from searching Google. The only real skill I can say I have is some Photoshop techniques. I don't really know anything outside editing/typesetting manga/doujins though. Hell, there are plenty of other people who are way better than me in this field too.

Have you considered translating doujins on commission like DesuDesu or U MAD? You'll probably have some trouble grasping the consumer market as the "new" guy, but I'm sure you'll get a few requests overtime if you advertise a bit. You could do some free translations over at Voile, become a translator tripfag, translate manga in a group, etc. You can always try applying to a commission based group when they have openings too. It doesn't happen often, but U MAD did recruit a new translator recently.

>bookstore employee, or as a janitor, or as a cashier

I think this is fine if you're okay with it. I also find it respectable that you've been learning Japanese for this long and have plans to become even better. Even if it can't help that much on your resume, as long as you're enjoying it, that's all that matters. I remember having a similar conversation with someone on how I can't exactly take a screenshot of my WoW character and show it to an employer saying "DUDE, LOOK AT THIS TITLE. THIS IS A WORLD FIRST TITLE. DO YOU KNOW HOW FEW PLAYERS HAVE THIS?"

Living with your parents is fine too. My parents want me to live with them and the only reason I don't want to is because I they don't know how much I love Chinese cartoons. And plus living with my sister is like living with the undead banshee queen of death.

NeedlessToSay said...

>I guess if they actually tested my Japanese they'd know it was beyond the level I have a degree in, but that's not exactly something I expect them to do when shifting through resumes for a candidate.

Actually, if I recall correctly, most translation jobs are more concerned with you getting certification, which does not require a degree. The only place I see a foreign language degree being required is in academia.

Jerry said...

Thinking about the future is indeed scary.

>I'd still be that quiet bookstore worker that occasionally knocks stuff over because of how clumsy I am.

So moe~

>I can't even imagine this stuff paying much

I've heard that it doesn't and the people doing that stuff are in it because they're passionate about it. I think translating legal documents pays a lot of money. It's a job that's in abundance so maybe it's something to look into?

Kami No Pocky said...

I don't like thinking about the future much either sometimes. Other times it can be okay, and I can wish that by some point I will be in a position to live a perfect NEET life. But right now I've been putting things off, so yeah...

>Google-fu

Every software developer I know uses google to look up stuff, otherwise you're probably wasting valuable time.

>work at home for a game company like Atlus or Capcom

Working for Capcom would be a pretty nice dream job except that working doesn't seem too appealing in this day and age.

>Most of them are waiters/waitresses or call center staff. The former is probably hell, but the latter doesn't seem that bad.

Call center work is some of the worst kind of work ever, from what I understand. It's also really irritating being on the receiving end of a telephone marketer.

Tigoris said...

I think the not living at home is just something that generations of people have hyped up into being the normal thing, thus people who choose to stay home must have "something wrong" with them. I also think many people choose to move away so that they can be entirely independent, because back at home you're suppressed by your parents' expectations and views of you. The longer you're with someone, the more they solidify their image of you - so with family you can never really change. That's great in most cases, but when it comes time for wanting independence, those views hold you back.

Trust me when I say that I understand your dilemma about school all too well. I'm working on this four year degree and wondering what the heck I will do with it when I finish. I've pushed my parents into debt with my expenses and pretty soon I'll be joining them there. This would be fine if I thought I was actually going to use the degree or if I was going to really going to benefit from it, but I'm not sure that I will do either. Like you, my main passion is Japanese, and I'm not even getting a degree related to that. I would definitely find an alternate path before leaving school though.

I find it amusing that we've both had "dreams" of working in a bookstore. My only two passions are Japanese and books, so a bookstore would truly be a great place for me to work. I've thought about opening a bookstore of my own one day, but I know that doing that would chain me down to the store for the rest of my life. If I could even do it.

It's once again amusing that we also share dreams of translating. I'm fairly certain that it is really poor pay for the work done, but you get a lot of convenience and freedom with it. You could also work freelance, not just for a company. I believe I saw something about Atlus translators, and you actually had to live in the area of their main office and commute to work. I may be remembering incorrectly or the info may be dated, but it's something to keep in mind (that not all translation work is done from home).

But anyways, a degree isn't so important for most translation work. From what I have learned in my info gathering adventures, the more important thing is proof of skill. Either a translation sample project/test or something like a JLPT ranking. I believe JLPT would be what you and I would need, as we haven't done enough course work to prove our proficiency. I never wanted to take the JLPT, but I guess that's what self-taught people have to use.

>I don't see myself dropping this determination. In fact, it's the only thing I've ever actually taken initiative and interest to sit down and study in my life. The only thing I really have a passion to learn. If I don't find success in Japanese, I really can't see myself succeeding in anything else. It'd be a huge fall, and a huge failure. But I'm not worried about this, because I've no doubts that I'll continue. I've come too far and I'm still far too determined to back out.

Had to quote all of that because, well, it sounds like something I've said. Like...exactly something I've said. Good to know I'm not alone. I believe in you Kirari, so keep at it!

I doubt you're religious (nobody on the internet is, apparently), but trust in "fate" to guide you where you should go. As long as you stick with what feels right and what you want in life, I think you'll find yourself someplace you'd like to be - although it might be somewhere unexpected.

Oh dear, I took so long writing this wall of text that I'm running late to get ready for my final. I just said, "Oh dear." Oh dear, how odd. Have a good one, Kirari.

Kirari Star said...

Thanks for the comments, guys.

@Pawawanpi
Lawers office seems like a strange place to work but I could always keep that in mind.

@Cpt. Awesome
>he only real skill I can say I have is some Photoshop techniques. I don't really know anything outside editing/typesetting manga/doujins though.

Ditto, bro. Even then it's just simple cleaning and positioning of text in a neat-ish fashion.

@Jerry
Maybe. Since I live in New York I guess the UN might also have openings. Wonder what those jobs would entail though.

@Kami No Pocky
>Every software developer I know uses google to look up stuff, otherwise you're probably wasting valuable time.

Interesting. I think at some point years ago I did want to pick up programming but it's something I'm way too lazy for and can't actually imagine myself doing.

@Tigoris
>that not all translation work is done from home)

Yeah, it's just a hopeful opportunity. I think Atlus does need you to live in the area for all their jobs. Maybe Capcom as well, but I never really checked.

>I doubt you're religious

Not religious, but an occasional drop of faith and luck to soften the mood is fine, even if it's placebo.

MixedNuts said...

I don't have a problem living with parents but, most of the time just make things a pain. So back when I was younger I use to go outside just to avoid them other then being extroverted, but now every thing outside seems to be about money so I followed that mentality and decide to just stay home.

DerpFiles said...

Oh boy do I know that feel. I guess I'm technically a NEET, but not in a very hiki way. I graduated from a pretty good private university 2 years ago but haven't got a real job since and haven't worked on applying to grad school.

I definitely identify with the feeling like I have no skills or talents or that I'm even WORSE than just about anyone. I wish I knew what caused it. I kind of talk about it in one of my older posts (wall of text) http://thederpfiles.blogspot.com/2011/04/let-me-put-my-thoughts-in-you.html

As far as using Japanese skill, if you have a clean record then I'm sure you can find a government job with language proficiency. For the US Government at least, there's a test you can take to get certified with a certain level of comprehension. Jobs could range from just translating documents in an office, transcription, or if you were ambitious maybe even talking to people. You could land an overseas post in the Homeland. Dare to dream just a little.

Chiyo's Dad said...

>I don't think about the future.

I can't tell any more if my view of the future are grandiose or realistic.

>If I had remained a NEET I could have avoided this really.

Nope.

I can't really add any more to the nice advice that the other guys have given in their comments..

An entry-level job or two would be great because it'll give you some general experience and look great on a resume`.

>At least I've still got a strong goal and determination for learning Japanese.

And that's fantastic. Your hard work in this respect WILL pay off. A long-term job utilizing these skills is something I think you should aim for :3

Hip-Hop Hikikomori said...

I know that feel.

Huge read, since I read the post and comments.

I never think about the future either. I avoid it if I can, and I think that's really why I'm where I am.

>And staying at this position to the point where 10 years from now I'd still be that quiet bookstore worker that occasionally knocks stuff over because of how clumsy I am.

When I've gone through fantasy scenarios involving my betterment and ascension into something more normal, I often think of it like this. I just can't imagine myself gaining a magical level of competence that most people seem to take for granted, even for menial tasks. It's like I was born gimped and clumsy. I'm not even that bright, either.

>People believe I'm good at computers, but I'm not really, I've just used them since a younger age than a lot of other people.

Ah, yeah, although the people around here sometimes astound me with their computer illiteracy. I think a computer repair service might even be viable, even. Although, then I run into my other problem: I'm just not social enough to make it work. Gimped.

>At least I've still got a strong goal and determination for learning Japanese.

Yep, it's good to have at least one strength. Something to be proud about! It's something that will always shine, no matter the circumstances.

>Coming from a Mexican household, my mom expects me to live with her until I get married.

I also know what this person is talking about. It's cruise control for taking it easy.

Anyway, I believe one's own happiness is paramount. Fuck the normals. Fuck the police. Take it easy.

みもと said...

I can't really relate, though I can say that doing anything customer-oriented is annoying as fuck. Been working the register for years now, used to it, but I detest people. I don't really talk very much either, usually, I have a grumpy look on my face, so people leaves me alone.

I don't think you'd be a janitor though, lol. Actually, even with just a high school diploma, you can get a help desk job (still customer oriented), but you'd be getting paid anywhere from 10-12 bucks. If you have a degree that's related to Computer Science / Info Tech, it would be several dollars higher (or at least it was when the job was offered to me).

Just do your best. But for now, take it easy. How did you accumulate such debts anyways? I can't believe it's just from college...

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